[Freedombox-discuss] talk at meeting for members of EU parliament

Stefano Maffulli stefano at maffulli.net
Wed Jul 13 14:39:58 UTC 2011


On Wed, 2011-07-13 at 13:00 +0200, Jonas Smedegaard wrote:
> EPFSUG is a grassroots organisation to promote Free Software at the EU 
> parliament. EPFSUG has invitet me to give a talk on FreedomBox: 
> http://epfsug.eu/content/epfsug-invites-freedombox

Hi Jonas,

very good that you're extending the reach to the MEP! Thanks for
coordinating this. I have noticed from experience that the invitations
work better if they start with the object of the event in the first
line. I would write

        Dear friends and colleagues
        
        I invite you to a presentation of FreedomBox, a new generation
        of 
        software-powered devices to enable private communications
        between 
        citizens around the world.

Hopefully you'll have the attention there and you can extend the concept
in the next paragraph. You can use the "Disco and Atomic War" movie if
you think that they will remember it and mentioning it will resonate
with their brain. I use something along the lines of:

        Think of all the people who don't have the luxury of freedom of
        speech and all the dissidents whose list of friends is the best
        way for a government to shut down a revolution before it even
        starts.
        
        The FreedomBox will be an *easy to use* tool that allows
        citizens to be safe online. 
        
In the final paragraph you can sum it up:

        I would be honored to have you as guest during a brief
        presentation of the FreedomBox and the free software packaged in
        it to improve privacy online and avoid censorship. Further we'll
        again have a hands on session for learning how to protect our
        privacy with free software both on our personal computers and
        office laptops. I am convinced it will be a fruitful learning
        experience.
        
I would avoind putting any links in the message because they tend to be
distracting and send your reader away from your text. Keep the eyes of
the reader on the first line (the hook), hope she goes to the second
(the 'why you should care' explanation) and keeps reading the final
paragraph (the 'action': signup for the event). You can put the link to
your website with more information and links to freedomboxfoundation
site at the end of the message.

Hope it makes sense
/stef




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